Councillor Mike Layton, Early Morning Alcoholic

February 19, 2014

Stop your thinking and start your drinking!


Generally, the few times Ward 19 Councillor Mike Layton wakes up at the tick of 6 AM his constituents don’t expect him to start guzzling down a 40 of malt liquor as soon as possible. People who drink as soon as they wake up is what you would call a drunk in shambles. From sunrise to pass-out the obsession for alcohol begins and does not stop until alcoholic liver disease puts a permanent end to the plastered. Some have said that Councillor Layton romances the bottle like a cheap masseuse first thing in the morning.

Councillor Layton’s plan for bars to start serving liquor before the crack of dawn is fraught with danger. People who start drinking alcohol as soon as they get up are definitely alcoholics. There’s no two ways about this one. Drinking is a thinking disease. It cannot just be voted out like certain dimwitted lefty politicians.

If Mike Layton wants to hit the bottle at six in the morning, the chances are good that he has a serious problem with alcoholism. At night, you can simply have a drink without need for any particular reason. Yet hitting up the bar just before the sun comes out, society demands you explain your alcoholic intake. Councillor Layton finally found his reason to peddle his cure. Sure Canadian Gold at the Olympic Games maybe an excellent reason to get sh*tfaced, but not this early. Councillor Layton must assume all his constituents are on ODSP without the irritating inconvenience of keeping down a regular job.

Even in the most rambunctious British football firms, hooligan save their piss up for the evening matches. The roughest football club supporters could not codswallop an excuse for such a cock up. Come on Councillor Layton, you know for a fact alchies are just going to keep drinking until last call, only to loiter outside the bar for a few hours until the doors open bright and early again!

If Councillor Mike Layton is unwilling to seek help, he must be forced into a CAMH centre for treatment. Based on clinical experience from many alcoholism treatment specialists the practice of downing morning shots fundamentally conflicts with modern ideas about employment. Councillor Layton we demand you take a very long unpaid, probably permanent vacation while you deal with your problems. If you continue to knock back a few wake up stiffeners that’s fine with us, as long as us taxpayers stop picking up your tab.


One Response to “Councillor Mike Layton, Early Morning Alcoholic”

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